Missing Tears
by PataTakeru
Summary: Set in the manga universe. Rei and Shinji's and their self completions. 1st and 2nd chapters revised 9TH CHAPTER UP RS, hopin to be a loooong fic REVAMPED AND UPDATED FINALLY! those of you who remember this fic, come on in. New readers welcome too!
1. Prologue

Prologue and Explanation  
  
If you really don't want to read this you don't have to, its not really needed, but I included it for some clarification. Its just boring junk you'll probably skip.  
  
Ok, this fic is (hopefuly) a bit different from you average eva fic so i need to fill you in. This eva universe is not the one in the show. It's the one portrayed in the manga series. Now, you may say they're the exact same, but they aren't. Many minor and major details are both left out and added to the manga series. Also, the show obviously shows emphasis on the relationship between Shinji and Asuka. The manga however clearly shows a growing relationship between Shinji and Rei, cutting out a lot of the minor Asuka/Shinji hints shown in the show. It seems like Asuka is more in the backround within the manga, and while the Shinji/Rei relationship isn't supported in the manga as much as the Shinji/Asuka relationship is supported in the tv series, I still think its a much larger focus. For those of you dying for hints and implications between Shinji and Rei, I recomend reading the Manga. :-)  
  
On another side note, as I said, I'm attempting to write this story according the events shown in the manga series. So many angels will be left out and unfimiliar scenes added. Also, you should realize i've only read the Korean version of the manga, which means I can only read up to the eighth book. The Korean installments haven't been very fluid so I don't know when the last few books will come out. I have seen the entire tv series, but I do not want to follow it strictly. Book eight ends with the return of Shinji after being absorbed into unit 01. After I get that far...ah...lets hope my imagination suffices...  
  
now... ONTO THE FIRST CHAPTER!!! 


	2. Rei's Apartment revised

THE REVISED VERSION. This chapter is different than it's previous iteration. It may be woth another read to some of you.

Alright...let's do this. I'm writing this fic hoping my interest in it wont fade away like my previous fics. For those of u who are wondering when I'm gonna finish those, one is dead and the other is in hibernation. But I really think I'm gonna stick w/this one...I really do...

Note fixed all formatting problems

Another note: I revised this because I really did not like the sloppy writing. While it's pretty much the same, I changed a few things that bugged me. Also, because of lack of reviews, I'm not going to upload the 7th chapter until my reviews start going up (for the later chapters). Seriously, if no one reads this junk, it'll be awhile before another chapter goes up. Maybe i'm just selfish...

This story begins on the day immediately following the promotion/housewarming party at Misato's house.

Chapter 1: Rei's Apartment revised

-

The air was thick and musty, full of energy, tense and vibrant. It was as if it knew...as if it was waiting.

Something has happened.

Under the noise and clutter of people shuffling and running about, trying to come up with an explanation, a conclusion, there laid a deafening silence so abrupt, if any one of them had noticed, they would have had to taken a moment to recover from shock.

Something had happened.

Already there were rumors spreading, theories, explanations. Tales of how brave she was, how any one of them would have, had to have, done the same.

And all was still.

And in the core of the monster that would save them all lay a boy. Blinking. Gasping. Refusing to cry. Refusing to accept. A boy. Alone.

Alone.

-

One Month Earlier

-

"sigh That old fire is catching light again..."

"What? You left the light on at the apartment, Asuka?"

"SHUTTUP! This doesn't involve you!"

Asuka lay back in her seat glaring at Shinji who promptly shook his head. Some people just couldn't be bothered.

"Hey Shinji." Chair and floor screeched as Toji stood, grabbing his bags and nudging Kensuke. He thrusted his thumb towards the door and said a very he-man like, "Lets go."

Shinji grabbed his bag as he followed Toji. Walking past an empty desk, he looked at it with curiosity.

'Rei, where are you?'

Toji tried with all his smooth ability to casually walk out the door, but was unfortunately met by Hikari's forehead. Toji jumped back, clutching his nose and wailing in pain. There were signs of worry on Hikari's face, but they were promptly erased when she saw their bags and realized this was an attempt to ditch duties. She stepped forward, hands on her hips, with an expression almost like the pouting of a small child.

Where are you going?" Hikari said with an accusing finger. "Aren't you three on wash-up today?"

"Ah Hikari, the room is clean as it is," said Kensuke with a weak smile. Beside him, an injured Toji was quick to agree. Shinji shrugged his shoulders and cowered a bit when Hikari's eyes turned to glare at him.

Toji picked himself straigh up and said a cool, "Yeah...umm, so if you don't mind...," which was promptly met by a violent push.

"Yeah I do mind," She shot back as she quickly spun the two around. "Mops in the corner, get to work. Shinji, over here."

"HEY!" exclaimed Toji with indignation, "How come he doesn't have to work?"

Hikari grinned a bit while walking over to Shinji, a piece of paper flipped out her shirt pocket between two fingers. "He does. Here you go Shinji."

He took the piece of paper, a puzzled look covering his face.

"What's this?"

"It's for Rei," she replied, "The instructor told me to give it to her. I don't know where she lives though; can you deliver it for me?"

Shinji was a bit hesitant...the last time he was charged with a delivery for Rei he ended on top her naked body.

Hikari did a slight giggle when he nodded and walked off. Shinji stood there stairing at the folded piece of paper, feeling it between his fingers.

"Yeah...ok..."

-

-

Walking down the uninviting corridor, the building looked abandoned, the air dusty as if it has long been unused. The apartments were once filled with students, college kids attending Tokyo University. They stopped being used as dorms once the Angels started coming and the university was destroyed during the battle with Shamshel. Most of the students got scared, and left for home. Now it seemed Rei was the only tenant.

-

Shinji stopped in front of the faceless door. His mouth crept lower and lower and became a disapproving frown. He remembered the last time the bell hadn't worked. Looking at his hands, contemplating for a second, he was quick to shake his head as if to clear the ghosts away.

The sound of the knocking seemed to beat through his head. He could feel each contact of wood and flesh; each slight knock seemed more like a heavy pounding. Shinji listened intently for a sound, a creak, a shuffling, but none came. What could he do now? He looked down at the doorknob, his warped reflection looking back at him. His hand shook slightly as it grew bigger and bigger in that reflection until his palm covered the knob. The cogs clicked as the bar passed out it's place, and the door opened for Shinji.

"Hello...?"

No answer. He stretched his head through the door frame, trying to see through the darkness. It was pretty late in the afternoon and the inside of her apartment was pitch black. Sighing to himself once more he hesitated before stepping over the threshold. Walking across it seemed torturous but once he touched down his body relaxed and he was strangely calmed. Shinji walked through the door and quietly closed it behind him.

"Ayanami?"

Shinji felt for around until he found the switch, flooding the room with a dim light. He walked over to her bedside only to find her sleeping, curled up in her blankets. He smiled. Looking around for a second he spotted a pair of glasses by her bedside...those same glasses...

Shinji shuddered involuntarily.

Carefully placing the packet of papers by her head he couldn't help but notice something...at the corner of her lips Rei had the faintest smile as she slept. Suddenly it dissappeared as her eye lids quivered and slowly creeped open. Shinji started to panic, taking a few steps back as Rei sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"...Ikari?" She asked as her eyes adjusted.

"Uh..papers...the...Hikari...," He replied, blushing, "Sorry I woke you...I don't mean to keep invading your privacy like this...it's just that..."

"The bell is still broken..."

Rei continued to rub her eyes groggily. "I had to go through reactivation tests all night with unit 00."

"So it's back online?"

"Yes."

"That's a relief," he said with a smile. He looked into Rei's sleepy head for a bit until he suddenly remembered that he had just woken her from probably much needed sleep. "Uh...sorry again to bother you...I better be off though. Sleep well..."

He started to walk back towards the doorway, back across the dusty floor. Rei blinked as if realizing something. "Wait...Shinji. You can stay for a bit." Her hand reached out a little, as if trying to hold him from going. "If you want..."

He looked back, startled. An invitation from Rei was most unexpected. "Oh...ok..."

-

"I guess I'll pour some tea then," said Rei as she headed for the kitchen, suddenly awake. Picking up the seldom used teapot, she filled it under the faucet. The sound of water splashing around on the inside reverbrated around the apartment.

Shinji sat down on the only chair in the room, beside the bed, draped with her school clothes. To him it always seemed like Rei's apartment was empty, desolate of life. If somebody had told him it was unoccupied, he would have replied, "Of course."

"Umm...don't go to too much trouble Rei."

The pot was already starting its slow cluttered bubbling. Rei walked over and opened a container of earl grey. "How much am I supposed to put in?" She said as she stared the english directions.

"Uh, don't go to too much trouble..."

"Is this enough?" She asked, showing him one ginormous spoonful.

Shinji did a minor double take and replied slowly, "Uh, I think that's a little too much."

She walked back into the kitchen, going for a smaller spoonful from the can of tea. As she reached for the pot of boiling water, a jet of steam suddenly spurt from the mouth of the pot. Her hand quickly jolted away but ended up grazing the side of the heated metal pot.

"Ah, hot!"

Shinji walked quickly into the kitchen wondering what was wrong. The first thing he noticed was the lack of...anything and everything. The only cooking materials she seemed to have was a frying pan a pot and that one tea kettle...

"What happened?"

Rei looked at her hand as if asking it why it hurt. "I think I got burned a little..."

"A little?" exclaimed Shinji to the giant welt on her hand. "Quick, run that under some cool water!"

Shinji reached out, holding her wrist, and rushed her to the faucet. The water splashed between their fingers, Shinji's being cautious not to touch the burn. They stood there for a few moments, holding the other's hand, their breath somehow in sync. It took Shinji that long to realize Rei was starring into him. Curiosity covering her eyes, she ran her fingers through his and squeezed his hand. For another minute or two, Shinji didn't understand...but quickly drew back once he realized his smile.

"Uh...you just stay there Rei and um...I'll make the tea..."

"Uh...ok..." she replied, confused.

He stumbled to the counter a little unsure of himself. Picking up the hot pot with a small rag, he poured the water into two cups.

"You know.we had a party at my apartment last night."

Rei's blank face would have scared off anybody else, but knowing this was normal, Shinji went on.

"That was the first time I had ever done something like that...gather with so much people at one place...we called you're house, but no one would pick up the phone."

"That's alright," she replied, "I don't really enjoy such functions."

"Oh...I see...even so, you still have to come if we ever have another one." Shinji smiled, a look of want glazing over his eyes, "We threw it on behalf of Misato's promotion and Asuka's moving in. Toji and Kensuke were there, so were Kaji and Prof. Ritsuko. It lasted all night long. We played a few games and Toji had this..."

"Ikari is quite talkative tonight, isn't he?"

Shinji froze in place and caught himself at Rei's interruption. He apologized softly and continued to scoop the powder into the cups. After a few more uncertain moments, an old prospect popped brightly new into his head. The second he thought of it he knew he had to ask her. And then he dreaded it.

"Ayanami...can I ask you about my father...?"

She glanced over, surprised..."Why this all of a sudden...?"

"Well..." He said as he fumbled with the coffee container, "You seem to be able to talk to him so easily...and I've never been able to..."

"Why do you want to talk to him?"

Shinji looked down, thinking to himself. Rei stood there, water rushing around her fingers, staring at him again.

"I don't know," he said abruptly.

There was another awkward pause. Much to his surprise, Rei broke it. "Are you afraid of him?"

"No, not exactly. I...don't hate him or anything either...just can't find the words when...when..."

"When talking to commander Ikari...just be straightforward," She said, gazing blankly over her tea, "That is how he communicates."

Shinji ran this through for a moment, starting to understand what she was saying. He poured the hot water into the instant powder as steam gently rose up out of the cups. "I think your hand should be ok to take out of the water now..."

Rei shut off the spluttering faucet and took the cup Shinji offered her.

As they sipped quietly, Rei looked at Shinji's face every time it was down thinking of Rei's words.

"It's a bit bitter, isn't it?" marked Shinji with a slight smile.

Rei smiled back.

"Yes, but...it's very warm..."

-

"Well...sleep well, Ayanami. Sorry I woke you again..." Shinji crossed over the threshold again, stepping into the abandoned hallway. "Are you going to get your bell fixed...?" He asked, looking back.

The door was almost shut behind him but he could still see her face...her eyes looked at him intently as she said, "No...I don't think so."

The knob turned back as the cogs clicked and the door shut. Shinji turned around an walked slowly down the hallway wondering if he had only imagined her sleeping smile...

That's the end of the first chapter! I tried to make it match the manga with only a few alterations. The manga was VERY VERY similar to this! Anywhos, I was disappointed when this scene in Rei's apartment didn't show up in the show...

Well, this is the end of the scene in the book and it moves on to the next day, but I'm gonna elaborate a little on the next chapter. See u then!

Oh, and if you don't review...nvm, just do it...

OR NO MORE CHAPTERS!


	3. A father's Words revised

NOTE, THIS IS A NEW RE-REVISED VERSION. SOME THINGS HAVE CHANGED...but not a lot, to be honest.

Chapter 2

I forgot to say I don't own these characters in the last chapter...as a result I have been stripped of all my worldly possessions and am currently writing from a cardboard box behind SEARS. Send pocky.

I was disappointed by the lack of reviews I got for this story and surprised at the number of reviews I got for my other one. C'mon guys, jus cuz it's a R/S and not an asuka/shinji fic, doesn't mean it sucks! Honest!

Note: I didn't update sooner cuz I wanted to be able to fix the problems I was having outside the states. I will fix the previous chapter by tonight, so you can read it in all its unmarred glory.

Extra Note: here is the revised version. Man the old one looked crappy...an none of you told me so!

Here we go.

"Uh...can you direct me to commander Ikari? This is Shinji."

"One moment."

Shinji sat in his room, thinking of Rei's words.

"Be direct, be direct, be direct." He repeated to the sound of the phone ringing on the other line. There was a click, and he suddenly was short of breath.

"What is it, what happened?"

"..."

His father's voice terrified him. Or maybe it wasn't even that...maybe he simply hated it. To Shinji Ikari, fear and hatred had a very narrow boundary line. They seemed to wash into one, drowning him in a sea of pressure and discontent. Every word coming from the mouth of his "father" seemed to pound more weight on his already crushed body. Helpless.

"Uh...um, I was wondering."

"I'm busy. If you're going to say something, say it now."

He was still a bit short of breath, and hesitated only long enough to really piss the commander off.

"Well...do you know what tomorrow is?" Gah! That's really straightforward Shinji, nice going!

"Hmmm...why, what's tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is the day mother...the day mother..."

"Don't bother me with useless things," the Commander interupted sharply, "Don't call this line anymore."

click

Shinji sat there, the phone to his ear, listening to the never-ending dial tone.

"Tomorrow is the day...Mom died...Father."

The phone case cracked as he dropped it to the floor.

-The Next Day

"Hey, moron, it's this way."

Shinji and Asuka stood at the crossroads. They were walking to school, like every other day. Only it wasn't every other day. But if felt like every other day. But it wasn't.

Shinji's turned his back, not looking behind him, thinking of grim thoughts and of his father. "I...I have somewhere to go today."

"Pfft! Whatever."

What is walking through a graveyard supposed to be like? Shinji wasn't scared, or nervous or apprehensive in any way. The breeze was soft, bringing him forward. Things seemed so surreal. He didn't feel angry or frustrated at his father, though he knew he should. And he didn't feel sorry or remorse for his unknown mother, through he knew he should. Instead he felt nothing and nothing is what he felt.

The gravestone stood like a sea of obolisks, surrounded by so many other reported victims of the second impact. Why had she died? Shinji pondered a life where his mother was still alive...would he have had hope? Would his father love him?

"Shinji?"

Turning sharply Shinji was met by his father who stood behind him. Commander Ikari stood straight, still, and could almost be confused as a misplaced, oversized gravestone from a distance. "F-father."

He stood there, and everything he knew he should have felt but didn't came rushing in and nearly overwhelmed him. His father's voice made him lose his breath and he hated him for that.

"I...I can't believe you're here. To mother's grave. That you'd come. I can't believe..."

There was silence, but it wasn't awkward. It felt more like a realization to Shinji, but of what, he didn't know.

"Has it been a few years? Father?"

"Yes."

"What...what kind of person was mother like? Do you have any pictures?" There was a hint of hope in his voice.

Commander Ikari looked as if he thought for a moment, but when he replied, it sounded the opposite. Rushed and unprepared, but still confident.

"No. No pictures."

"You threw away all traces?"

"Yes. Everything. Even this grave is just decoration. Everything I need is in my heart. That'll suffice for now."

"...for now?"

Now the silence protruded. Now it cut. It seemed out of place, barging in, uninvited but wholly expected. They stood in the same spots they had stood the second they saw each other. Neither moved. A slight breeze swayed their identical hair. Shinji didn't really expect an answer, but when he replied with something unrelated, it angered and surprised him.

"Shinji! From now on, don't look to others." His father said, looking away.

"What?"

"Shinji, everybody lives according to their own strengths. Make it through life with your own strength. You cannot live off of other's strength. You are no longer a weak boy. Use your strength to accomplish your goal. If you can't, just die."

He knew they were words of encouragement. They sounded like words of encouragement. But like everything else that morning, things seemed to give a false impression. Words of encouragement just didn't go with this man. The words didn't anger him, nor did they surprise him. They were words he knew. Words hiding inside him. Words he hated because he hated himself. Later on, when everything came together, these words would come out, and try to break him, smother; try to blot him out. And he would choke on these words. These words from a father. And like most words from fathers to sons, he didn't understand at the time.

"But..."

"No. Don't even say it. You will never understand people and people will never understand you. But you can still live by that, and we can coexist. Even if in the end...you're still alone." Commander Ikari looked at the gravestone of his wife, and his longing gaze denied his last comment. Shinji looked at the love his father showed in that split second, and couldn't believe how he could have ever become the man he came today. In that split second, he saw a man who had lost himself when he had lost his wife.

Suddenly, the air was cut thin as a Nerv aircraft landed nearby.

"Time is short. I must go."

Shinji covered his eyes as dust blew everywhere. And then his father was gone.

Inside the ship, Anyanami Rei gazed down and the shrinking shape of Shinji Ikari. Suddenly, she wanted to jump, to fall towards him. That was all she wanted. The very want of anything terrified her.

Shinji slowly walked away from his mother's false grave...thinking, pondering the words that pounded his perplexed head..."Strength? What strength? Where's my strength?"

Rei continued to gaze at him from her window until he slipped out of view.

Note: there is the revised version.so much cleaner.blech, still seems like crap though. Ok, review now. You know you have to.

Ok, shuttup. I know, ppl are just going to say, "You coppied the anime/manga/some other crap. You have no blah blah blah" I appreciate flames, but I've already heard this, so please give some other reason why this thing sucks. This chapter turned up longer then I wanted it to be, but I have to get all these things in here first before I can really start cooking. I did try to use as much of my own personal writing style as much as possible, so I hope it didn't seem too unoriginal. Rei/Shinji romance WILL heat up next chapter. Keep in mind everything will still be loosely based on the manga, so I have to keep major events the same.

Please review. I'll update so


	4. Voices

NOTE: REVISED CHAPTER. each of my revisions are becoming less and less impactful..I actually liked this chapter. For those of you who thought the flashback scene was unlikely and OOC it actually did happen in the manga. :-P

Chapter 3

Author's Rants

Hey, here's the next chapter. Alright, since you people keep hittin me so hard, from here on out, everything branches out separately from the manga. I will still keep a few details I liked though, of course. And for people who say Rei is OOC, I really, really don't think so. You have to read the manga, since she IS a lot different in the manga, and that's what I'm sticking to. I've read a lot of OOC Rei fan fiction on this site (Lot, as in like 45 completely whack and 45 ridiculously overdone), and I'll shoot myself if this ends up the same.

I don't own evangelion. Do you?

"this means they're talking" :this means they're talking to themselves.:

Voices

Again his mind was blank, a void he could never understand. He couldn't help asking his mother why. Why did you go? Why did you leave me? Why did you let him? Clenching his fist, Shinji walked with his head down out of the graveyard, silent.

:I can hardly understand myself, father...:

In the soaring Nerv carrier sat a quiet Ayanami Rei. Peering over the edge, she lost sight of Ikari-kun. For the first time in her life, she had questions. Questions she hated, she loathed. Questions that kept her up at night, and invaded her dreams. Rei wished she was a doll, that she was mindless. That she could be used, like she was going to be, and not consider what she would leave, who she would leave. Afterall that's how she had been designed and that's how Commander Ikari, behind all his specious smiles and worried expressions, treated her.She wasn't a doll though and the thought reverbrated in her head.

She looked at the man beside her. Commander Ikari. Every time she was in his presence, she felt the truth. She has faith in him. Had faith? Faith? Yes. She still had faith. Not for what he would do for her but what he'd do for himself. She remembers the day. The day he risked his life to save her. She remember so clearly, like a wound, so sharp, you don't realize you're hurt until you see the trail of blood behind you. At first when she saw his face, she had the small hope, the small recognition, that this man cares for her. Loves her. That she has a purpose. But that glimmer burned up, and as he lifted her out, his every touch betrayed his smile. Every breath, every slight movement, told Rei this was not for her. When he gazed at her with hope, he saw right through her, to something else. He was waiting for something else. And that's why she smiled when she talked to him. Because if she didn't, she would scream.

This is how Rei had been raised her whole life...being treated like a real person to her face only to be talked about like a blunt instrument the next second. She was to be used and thrown away. This is what she had faith in and the only thing she knew for certain. Rei shivered, suddenly cold and a thousand feet above the retreated earth.

Shinji didn't start for school. Didn't even consider it. Thought about home, but realized he would just lie there, hearing the voices scream, and hate himself even more. He wandered aimlessly, staring at the inner workings of his blank mind. Having nothing was better then the screaming within. His father's voice invaded his mind again. He hated it.

:Shinji, why are you thinking about me? Why try to understand me? You will never understand me. You disappoint me. I will use you and then be rid of you. Don't try to understand why. You are my tool.:

Clutching his head, he screamed, trying to fight it off, fight himself. He nearly tore his scalp off as he struck the nearest wall. The impact in his fist vibrated through his whole body.

"Ikari-kun?"

He looked up. Rei? He suddenly realized where he was. Nerv. Then the voices laughed.

"Ayanami."

"What are you doing here?

She glanced behind her. "Dr. Akagi. I had an appointment today. We have no sync tests today. Why did you come here?"

Shinji glanced down, not knowing how to explain it, not knowing what he was trying to explain.

"Did you talk to your father?"

flashback

"Do you see that little boy? That child over there?"

"Oh yeah, isn't he that Ikari boy?"

Shinji passed through the park, heading his way home. The voices of two middle aged women ran him through the side sadistically. Time seemed to pass slowly as strode past them He continued walking, anger already boiling up inside.

"Did you hear that nobody wants him anymore? His grandparents died, and now he's all alone."

"Oh that poor boy!"

:stop it:

"What about his father?"

"He has the most rotten father!"

:stop it:

"Yes, his father left him when he was just a toddler."

"Oh, I heard about that. The poor boy, didn't his rotten father end up killing his own wife?"

"Yeah, in an accident in his own lab! How disgusting, leaving the poor boy alone."

:I said stop it. Who are you...:

"What a revolting parent."

"Yes, people as horrible as that shouldn't be allowed to have children. The poor boy...

:Stop! Who are you to talk about my father like that:

"Poor Boy!"

"Disgusting father!"

:You don't even know him! You have no right! No right! You don't know my father! You don't...:

"Poor boy."

"Poor boy."

:No! NO! I don't want this! Stop! I don't want anybody to say 'poor boy!' Never! I don't...:

Shinji was jolted back to the present. He remembered that day. He had gone home and broken all the mirrors in his foster house. Yelling, screaming, stop. STOP. Rei's voice bounced around his head. Repeating itself, over and over and over and over...

"Uh...no...I didn't talk to my father..."

They stood there for a few seconds, Shinji refusing to meet her glance.

"I'm going. Ikari-kun."

His eyes darted upwards, seeing her retreating footsteps. Forcing his legs to move felt very abstract. He didn't know whether he would collapse or float off into oblivion.

Suddenly, an alarm rang, piercing the air violently. Shinji clutched his ears in pain but Rei stood still.

"An angel. Let's go, Ikari-kun."

Don't worry, this was short, and didn't contain much, but I'm going to update again today. Next chapter will contain lots and lots of Rei and Shinji connection. Seriously though, I really don't think these two would hook up all that fast. It would be a slow, confusing process. It will be. But there will be a lot of romance along the way, and that's what you R/S addicts want right? Yeah...next chapter up soon...

THIS IS WHERE YOU REVIEW


	5. Believe

REVISED...kinda

Chapter 4

Here is that other chapter I promised you guys today. It is short, but two updates in one day, don't complain. Well...enjoy...yeah...

I don't own nothing and probably never will.

Believe

"Ikari-kun. Follow me."

Shinji seemed to think for half a second and then nod. They walked steadily down the long corridor. It seemed gloomy and dark. The road to a monster. As they walked, the alarm blared all over the complex, as people were put on first level alert.

"Ayanami..."

She replied without turning around, her stride not even flinching for a second.

"What."

"Ayanami...can I ask...can I ask you something...again?"

She suddenly stopped; stood there.

"Yes."

Looking down, he asked, "Do you think...people are made to never understand each other?"

Rei contemplate the question, running it through her head.

"Yes."

Shinji rushed forward, to meet her eyes. He wanted to say something. But it didn't come. It never comes. He just stood there, arms stretched, mouth gaping. What he wanted, needed, to say did not appear to him. This thought, this ideal, was mocking him. He stood there for a long moment, as if determined to wait until it came to him though it never did. Shinji was grasping at straws and gasping for breathe.

"Ikari-kun. Who do you wish to understand?"

Shivering, he said with a stutter, "P-people...my father."

"Why?"

"B-because..." he stuttered, "Because, then I...I wouldn't be alone...because someone would be able to understand me then...they would be...would be my friend...they would...love me."

The last words caused his body to sink, slumped over. When he raised his head, Rei's eyes locked onto his, and he froze. She looked determined, stern, and serious. It terrified him. It was as if his life was in her hands, those crimson eyes held him like rag doll. If she said, don't think that way, he would have. He saw himself. He saw himself in Rei's eyes. Rei's eyes looking at him. Him looking at him. He was disgusted and distraught. His eyes dug into his own, running after him, chasing him around and around. He longed to tear his face off. To die a silent violent death, to end it all in disgust for himself. To end the void. As he fell deeper and deeper into the pit of his own reflection her words suddenly reached out and caught him.

"Shinji, I am your friend."

His feet suddenly gave out underneath him. And he lay there. Stunned. Rei stood still. Looking forward, adamant.

"Why. I don't deserve...I don't...I don't understand...I...I...but..."

"You don't have to. I do not understand either. But we are friends. You cannot deny that. And you have others. You cannot deny them. You have no right to deny them. You know this. Why do you still suffer? I do not understand Shinji. Don't try to understand either. Shinji-chan."

Shinji stood breathless. His body still shivered and convulsed, as if straining out the last demons that were taunting him. The four words Rei spoke rebounded over and over again in his head. And slowly, he collected himself together, and got up.

"Rei," He said. And his voice was strong. Confident.

"Thank you Rei. For being my friend."

And she smiled.

"Let's go. Together."

And they went.

As Shinji undressed, doubts and confusion still ran amuck in his head. Rei's words were surprising and unexpected. But then, he realized her words were true. He remembered that first day Asuka had came. When she had threatened Rei and he had defended her. When she had smiled that smile that stirred his soul when he helped her out of her smoldering cockpit. That was the same smile she had given him moments before. He also remembered how she had invited him to tea the day before. All these things touched him slowly and suddenly at the same time. He had this friend he never knew was there; who had known of him. But then, he could never picture him and Rei having fun the way he, Toji, and Kensuke had. Rei's company was different...but soothing.

Shinji sat, a small curtain separating himself from Rei. He watched as her silhouette undress and slip into its plug suit. He sat there. Smiling. Thinking back to his father, he wondered if the man was right after all. Rei and himself were friends, and neither truly comprehended the other. Then and there, he decided to put an end to all the pain caused by the words of the one he called father. And suddenly it hit him. Why this pain and why this was taunting him so. Why he piloted the Eva and why he wanted to be able to communicate with his father so greatly. He wanted to forgive him. Forgive him for letting his mother die. For abandoning him. For so many unnamed things that he hated. He wanted his praise. He wanted his love. That's why those words struck him so. If he never understands his father, how can he forgive him for the atrocious acts he has done? How could he take up his forgotten role? How could he be...his father? And this was it. It was now behind him, he told himself. He scoffed loudly at the lie, his smile turning into a dismal frown. It had been a nice sentiment but he knew it wouldn't be that easy. The only thing that wiped his father's discontenting frown from his mind was Ayanami's subtle smile.

Pilots of Eva Unit 00 and 01 sat in their entry plugs, waiting for their other colleague who was being transported from their school. They sat there, waiting for orders and waiting for launch. Apparently this new angel had everybody a little freaked, what with the commander out on business.

"Hey. Rei."

"Yes?"

Shinji passed the thoughts through his head. He weighed the possibilities and his chances. In a split second, his mind went through all the bad, the rejection, the scars, the hurt, the pain, the suffering, the agony of trying. He wondered if it was truly worth it. And then, when the question came up, the possibility, he shoved it far back into the reaches of his consciousness with the words 'we are friends.' Meaning they had all the world and nothing more. But his inquiry should be harmless...afterall, she had just confirmed it. They were friends.

"I was just wondering, do you have any hobbies?"

Rei looked up at the screen. She looked up at Shinji's brown eyes.

"I...I don't know."

Shinji did not know whether to go on or drop it. If it was Toji or Kensuke, he would have kept pushing it, but with Rei there was no way he could be that relaxed. Talking to her about this, he knew, was easier than thinking about his father. And that was the whole point. Taking in a big breath, he replied,

"What I mean is, do you enjoy doing anything in your free time? All you do is seem to work..."

Rei thought for a moment and replied, "I do not usually have free time."

"Hmmm." said Shinji said with a frown, "Is there anything you've wanted to do lately?" He felt as if he were intruding, walking on ground not meant for his feet. Shinji wanted to step back, to let it go and forget it all but something within compelled him to at least try. It wasn't just curiosity that picked at his brain but something else he couldn't describe. Shinji took a deep breathe as he waited.

"..." again she thought over his words, wondering why he suddenly questioned her hobbies, or lack thereof.

"I...never mind."

"No, what is it?"

Rei thought it over. She was embarrassed already. This was her private secret, something about her she never told anyone. Heaven forbid she showed any outward emotion about it; inside her head, she smiled. Entertained the idea, wondering what he would do with the knowledge.

"I..."

"Hmm?"

"Behind my apartment...there is..."

"Huh?"

Rei suddenly scowled, as if to herself. Closing her eyes, Rei lay still. No breath, no quiver, no movement whatsoever came from her body. Abruptly, she spoke a firm,

"Nothing."

Done. I'll be updating soooooOOON. Ok? Ok.

REVIEWING IS PART OF A BALANCED FIC READ.


	6. A Walk in the Dark

Author's Note: I planned to revise this chapter too but after reading through it I found that I really like it. I know, I know, a lot of people say that I simply ripped off the manga. With this chapter that's what I did exactly and I like the outcome. These series of events, I think, are important to what happens later on. Telling them is important and if more people want to flame me for it that's fine with me.

WOW! Has it really been that long? I'm sooooo sorry guys! I've just been busier then heck these last few weeks! I seriously am truly sorry. Here is the next chapter. Enjoy! Or else...

I don't own evangelion or and of these character. But that pretzel...you better not touch that cuz that's mine fool!

"means they're talking"

'means they're thinking' (yes, I'm sorry I changed that, but is not being nice)

CHAPTER 5 WALK IN THE DARK

Ikari sat in his entry plug, the words of "nothing" circling around in his head. Strangely his craving for Rei's thoughts ended abruptly.

Lying back, he thought, "Yes. "Nothing" is good enough for me..."

Three Hours Later.

"SHINJI!"

"Eh? Oh...yes Miss Misato?"

"Good job..."

"Uh...ok..."

"...is what I want to say. But frankly I can't. Do you realize if you had been a TENTH of a SECOND MORE LATE, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE END OF EVERYTHING?"

sigh Shinji and his eva were being lowered into their primary restraints after their encounter with the frighteningly powerful angel, Sahaqiel. The eye-resembling beast had nearly wiped them all off the map before Shinji realized he was just standing there doing nothing. Just barely catching it in its bare hands, unit 01 was only just able to hold it long enough for units 00 and 02 to aid him and eventually defeat the angel. Though the mission was successful, all of Nerv knew one thing: Misato was pissed.

"I want you, Rei, and Asuka to report to the bridge IMMEDIATELY!"

'Great...so you can chew us out in person?'

Shinji lay back lazily in his entry plug, wondering what had caused him to hesitate so badly. When looking out of the entry plug through the LCL it sometimes seemed as if the clear walls were looking back at him. They appeared to examine him eerily, often at every aspect of his body and character, judging him like the rest of the world was. Often times he just told himself he was being paranoid, but...And then there was that smell. His nostrils flared at the thought. Blood. How he hated blood.

ClICK!

"What the hell! What is this! Why is it dark all of a sudden?"

"The power is out..." Shinji replied in the utter darkness.

The three defenders of the world, the eva pilots, the people in whose hands lay the fate of the universe, were now stumbling blindly through the dark corridor. They had been walking towards the bridge as ordered when with a flicker or two the power suddenly shut off. Leaning against the walls, Shinji and Asuka wandered a bit franticly until their eyes slowly adjusted to the faint dim light. They stood there for a couple of minutes, wondering what to do next.

"If it were just a power outage, we would have routed to a back-up generator by now. Five minutes have already passed; it is strange that the power isn't operating yet...

Rei's sudden comment in the dark made Asuka jump in her skin. Her somewhat icy, acetone voice didn't help Rei's demeanor either.

"Hey! It's dark, don't scare me like that! Don't talk like that all of a sudden, it creeps me out!"

Rei looked at Asuka's dark silhouette without much enthusiasm and replied, "I...don't know what you're talking about," as if she was being completely awry.

Walking ahead of the two other pilots, Rei started down the corridor. "There is no use being here. Let's go to the command bridge."

"Hey, bitch! Who are you to tell me what to do? You don't even ever talk to me, and now you think you can give me orders!"

Clenching her fists, Asuka nearly jumped on Rei in frustration and anger, and would have if Shinji didn't pull her back.

"Hey!" said Shinji to a hard breathing Asuka, "Calm down. This isn't something worth fighting over. Especially in the situation we're in right now."

Letting go of her shoulder, he started walking to catch up to Rei. "Besides," He said back to Asuka, "She's right. There's nothing to do here. We should at least report to the Bridge."

Grumbling to herself about "Some people...", she walked slowly, trying to catch up to them. But while she was pretty much tip-toeing down the hall, Shinji and Rei were nearly at a fast trot.

"Hey! Excuse me, wonder girl, you're walking too fast! How can you people walk so fast in the dark like this? Slow down!"

"Sorry." She replied, glancing back. "You haven't been here too long, have you?"

The answer was more like a statement then a reply and caused Asuka to draw back a bit with a gigantic scowl.

"Humph!" She said in the most annoyed tone of voice ever known to man. "That's right, I haven't been here that long...bitch..."

Shinji just followed behind them with a tired look on his face.

A few minutes later, through endless bickering on Asuka's part, they neared the bridge entryway. Suddenly a bright light illuminated out of nowhere, blinding the three. There was a scream and a giant flump! as someone hit the floor. The bright light bounced up and down as footsteps ran towards them. It turned out to be Makoto, wielding one monster of a flashlight.

"Hey! You alright?" he said to Asuka, who was currently rubbing her behind. "It's you kids! You guys came here by yourselves?"

Asuka, grumbling once again, quickly got up rushing past through the doorway ahead of them. Asuka found herself on the main level of the Nerv bridge command center. Spotting Ritsuko, she rushed over.

"Dr. Akagi! What's going on?"

"We're not even sure," she said absentmindedly, as if she'd been asked the same question for the hundredth time that day.

The bridge was busy and people ran here and about franticly trying to find a solution to the power outage. Suddenly Asuka took a step back, a look of shock running across her face. Scanning the scene, her face suddenly became one full of horror.

"Where's Misato and Kaji!"

"Huh?" replied Maya from her desk, franticly going through the main circuitry boards of the complex.

"Misato and Kaji!" screamed Asuka, "Where are those two junkyard rabbits!"

"They've been misplaced at the moment," muttered Ritsuko as she passed by.

Asuka scrunched up for a second, as if something was boiling inside her. She remained quiet as her frown got larger and larger, covering every crevice of her face. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she gave out a loud shout,

"SHINJI!"

The boy nearly fell over in surprise. For a second there, he thought his head would actually burst at the sound of his name from the loud mouthed redhead.

"Shinji." She said sweetly all of a sudden. Her appearance changed from raging she-demon to sweet little girl next door.

"I'm going to go look for Misato and Kaji. Who knows what they're up to in this dark. And Shinji? You're going to help me!"

That last comment from Asuka's mouth came with fire and brimstone.

Shinji frowned, an annoyed look crossing his face. "I knew you were going to say that..."

Grabbing Shinji's ear, Asuka dragged him over to Rei. "You, wonder girl. You're coming to."

Rei turned her back on her and replied coolly, "I don't want to get involved."

"BAKA! I knew you were going to say that! C'mon Shinji, I guess someone is a little to GOOD to help with some WORK AROUND HERE!"

And with that, she stormed back down the corridor, armed with only a flashlight and the third child. Shinji stumbled while trying to catch up to his nearly torn ear, shouting about how Asuka always treated him like this. An hour and one really beat up Shinji later, the two were stumbling in the confusing maze like corridors of Nerv. The boy was in all but in a state of complete desperation.

"Hmm...where are we...?" muttered the redhead, trying to keep it to herself.

"That's why I keep saying we should go BACK!" Shinji screamed with faint hope. "What if an angel comes? Yeah, yeah! We're needed back there Asuka, c'mon! Fate of the world!"

"I would have gone back by now if I knew the way...baka..." Asuka muttered to herself once more. She was annoyed, frustrated, and angry at the skinny lank following behind her. The two went on, walking to the sounds of Shinji's faint complaints. Slowly, he finally realized the futility of it all and dragged himself silently behind her, all will gone. Asuka's loud voice suddenly broke the thick silence.

"Baka-Shinji..."

"Huh?" he replied, his head rising slightly. "What?"

"How far have u gone with Rei?" She asked, stopping in front of him.

"Nani? What the heck does that mean?" he said, suddenly alert and giving her his his full attention.

Asuka snorted to herself and retorted, "I mean, how far have u gone with her? Kissed her? Tongue? Over the blouse? Under the blouse? Under her tiny bra? Seen her tits? I don't know what you see in that empty doll, but your lack of taste is your problem. Anyhow...how far have you gotten?"

Shinji didn't nearly fall over; he landed hard on his behind from the shock of the question. Rubbing his sore bottom, he looked up and yelled, "What the heck are you talking about?"

Asuka looked down at him with some hidden satisfaction. "You and Rei! You two are going out aren't you?"

Shinji nearly fell over again. "Of course not! What gave you that idea!"

"Phht!" she barked back, "The way you two cling around each other and how you're always defending wonder-bitch, I was wondering when the wedding would be!"

Shinji stopped to think about it as he got up. It was true he had defended Rei from Asuka on more then one occasion, but only because Asuka was so rash in her actions. When he thought about it, he did try to hang around Rei a bit more then he did Asuka. But then again, there was a lot less physical pain involved when he was with Rei.

"It's...it's not like that."

"You serious? Could have fooled me."

"I said it isn't!"

Shinji mused to himself. Rei was different. Some things just didn't make sense, and his relationship with Rei sort of seemed like one of them.

'It's not like that...Rei...it's not something I understand fully myself...but it's something good...she's a part of me though...and sometimes...when we're apart.it's as if a part of my flesh is missing... 

Shinji furled his brow in frustration. Another thing that he would never fully grasp.

Author's note: That last thought from Shinji is straight out of the manga. I don't know if it appears in the English version, but my dad translated this part, and this is how it comes out. HAH! dances If one of you has this scene in the English manga, (I did change it a little, but you'll definitely recognize it), can you tell me what Shinji is thinking while picturing Rei right after Asuka asks him these questions? Thanks! Well, enough of my ranting...

Asuka laughed contemptuously at the embarrassed Shinji and cackled as she began to walk forward, "Hah! Of course you haven't, what am I thinking? You're still a little boy, like you've ever kissed a girl! HAH!"

Shinji stood grumbled to himself and was startled when Asuka suddenly swirled around, a mischievous look on her face.

"How would you like to kiss me?"

Shinji jumped back at the unexpected, somehow frightening words. His speech came out like a boy who was claustrophobic and about to be shoved into a box.

"WHAT?"

"Oh, I was just kidding. I can see you're freaked out anyways...little pansy...I guess that's all you are. Guys like you will never have a girlfriend. You're the ones always scared to do something new...hmmph!"

The third child fumed to himself at the rudeness of Asuka. His head swelled with anger and his thin line called his pride seemed to have been crossed.

"I...I'm not afraid!"

Asuka turned around once more, the devilish look once again washing over her. Walking towards him with a wide grin on her face.

"Of...of all the things I'm afraid of.a kiss is the least of them!" Shinji shouted at her.

"HAH!" She replied, "Is that so? Well, I'll just have to see for myself. Ready, Baka?"

Shinji half cringed as he realized Asuka was about to kiss him. He had been ready to stand up for himself for once, but not to actually act upon it. Truth be told, the prospect of a kiss terrified him. With so many things that could go wrong, he hated himself for not backing down. A kiss was another one of those things he could fail at, something else to displease someone with. But there was no turning back now, even with the faint feel of vomit in his stomach that was quickly overwhelming his system. He nodded faintly.

"Close you're eyes..."

Shinji faintly nodded once more, closing his eyes tight.

"Here I come..."

"I-I'm waiting..."

Asuka inched closer and closer to Shinji's puckered lips. Beads of sweat started to form on his forehead as he waited in anticipation and dread. Every second seemed like a decade, and he wondered what she was doing. All that kept running through his head was how stupid he must look at the moment. Shinji silently cursed his limbs as his arms wouldn't start quivering. Suddenly, the dead silence was broken as Asuka's piercing laugh erupted in the hallway.

"HAHAHA! You little pervert! You actually thought I was going to kiss someone like you? Hah! You wish. You'd of liked that wouldn't you?

Shinji closed his mouth and clenched his fist. Emotions of rage and fury erupted inside his head followed by swirls of doubt and remorse. Of all the things he needed right now, this was the least of them. He clenched his fists tighter and tighter at the sound of Asuka's laughing. He couldn't understand why she wanted to hurt him so much. He shook his head to himself, trying to keep himself from strangling the life out of her.

Asuka's laughter was cut short as she realized how pissed Shinji really was. She smirked to herself at how weak the eva pilot was compared to her own cool self. It was just a joke after all. But when she truly saw the sad little boy, something pinged inside her. It was compassion. All of a sudden, she felt sorry for the poor shmuck. Asuka had almost never in her life intentionally tried to hurt anybody's feelings; she had honestly beleived that she was better than them. So, when she saw for the first time how cruel she was really being, she mistook those feelings for pure pity instead of sorrow. Scratching her head, she wondered why she was frowning to herself.

"Ah, stop being such a pansy, baka. I was just kidding."

Asuka walked over and lifted Shinji's bent over head.

Smiling, she looked into his soft eyes and whispered, "Here, is this what you wanted?" And quickly rushed forward to kiss him.

For the most part, Shinji didn't know what was going on and just stood there like an idiot. It wasn't until he heard the resounding DING! that he realized he was kissing a girl.

There was a strange sound, sort of like a rustling movement, and Asuka realized the lights were back on. Looking through the corner of her eye, she nearly screamed as she saw a befuddled Kaji, who was lying under a confused Misato in the elevator shaft that was stuck moments before.

Nearly ripping her mouth from Shinji, she screeched, "Kaji! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Then, with a quick glance, looked back at Shinji, who was just as confused as she was. Staring once more at Kaji, she realized what she had been doing moments before.

"SHINJI! YOU PERVERT-BAKA!" SMACK! The force of Asuka's slap sent Shinji sprawling to the floor as Asuka ran down the corridor, tears streaming from her eyes.

"Umm...Misato? What...just happened?"

"I...dunno Kaji..."

Ok, there we go. I think this chapter is a little longer then my previous ones. Again, I apologize for not updating sooner. If you guys review, review, REVIEW, then my next update will be much quicker. I have a lot of things going on right now, so I'm sorry if it takes a few days. By the way, in the manga (yeah, I'm always rambling about that stupid thing) Shinji never actually kissed Asuka. Just wanted to let you know! Well, hope u enjoyed, and see in the next chapter!

REVIEW OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES


	7. Rei gets a Piece

Hey all, here's the next chapter. I didn't get too many reviews for my previous one, but, I'll forgive you...AS LONG AS YOU REVIEW THIS ONE. REVIEW!!! Please?  
  
From now on I'm ditching the manga. It seems like I use it as a source too often, so excluding major and some minor tid bits, no more manga storyline!! *swears off using the manga as a refference* sweeeeet...  
  
I don't own Evangelion, but I do own A Evangelion. Oh, and you, my subjects, can call me ulitmate ruler of the universe now. Thank you, thank you! *bows*  
  
Chapter 6: Rei Gets a Piece  
  
Shinji rubbed his sore cheek, wondering what he had done wrong to infuriate Asuka so badly.  
  
'At least the lights are back on...'  
  
Just then, Shinji realized the two people beside him who were scrambling to get up. Suddenly there was another smack, and a lot of yelling from Misato's part. After a heavy sigh from Kaji there was another loud whack. Shinji looked over just in time to see Misato kick Kaji and storm off. Shinji shook his head and picked himself up. Without a word, he picked up the broken man and helped him head back to the bridge.  
  
Back at the command center, Misato was already barking orders and demanding explanation. Plopping Kaji, who was white as a sheet and clutching his groin, into a nearby seat, Shinji was relieved that at least Misato had forgotten to chew him out. Looking around, he couldn't spot Asuka anywhere. Suddenly, he figured it out. Kaji and Misato must have been doing something in that elevator shaft big enough to really piss her off. Taking another look at the twitching man in the chair was enough proof for him.  
  
*Sigh* 'Another venture lost...'  
  
In the corner of his eye, he saw a blue object passed through the exit. Shrugging to himself, he guessed Ayanami had the right idea and decided he should probably head home himself. Checking quickly with the major, Misato hurriedly brushed him off and attended to much more important matters.  
  
Walking into the dressing room, Rei was nowhere to be found. His locker was open but his dressing room was not. Frowning too himself, he wondered how long it would take to get everything back in order. The halls were empty of people and the possibility of anyone walking into the private locker room of an eva pilot was very unlikely. As he undid the pressure gauge on his plug suit, thoughts of his first kiss swamped his mind. He couldn't remember exactly what it was like, the shock of it all nearly wiped all memory of the kiss. Only towards the last few seconds of the lip- lock did he get somewhat of a grasp of the situation. Shinji remembered feeling all warm inside, and that it was quite pleasent. But aside from that, it seemed rather awkward and clumsy. Shaking his head, he blamed it on his own inexperience. Shaking his head, he was convinced he'd never be able to try that again.  
  
Shinji lowered the plug suit and slid out of the sleek material. Looking at the full body mirror in front of him, he couldn't help but examine his own physic. Every inch of him seemed to scream pathetic, pathetic, PATHETIC! He couldn't figure it out. His father wasn't the most beefy guy out there, but he seemed to fit his coat quite nicely with thick arms and a full chest. Shinji on the other hand could only be described as gawky and a lank. Every time he looked in the mirror he couldn't help agree with the people who seemed to reject him.  
  
And then there were his "other parts." Looking down, he could see that adolescence was starting to take shape in a series of fine hairs. Raising his arms, he couldn't spot anything in the hairless pits and it would be a long time yet before he started shaving. Looking down again, he shook his head in disappointment once more. He picked "it" up with two fingers and knew that it would still be longtime yet before he grew out of these accursed teen years and into the seemingly more accursed manhood.  
  
There was a silent click that broke the silence and a sudden rush of wind. Shinji looked over and nearly screamed. In the doorway stood the last person with blue hair he wanted to see at the moment. Rei had started walking in but suddenly froze in the doorway when she saw Shinji. The boy was in a state of shock, stuck in place, and while it's medically impossible, he swore his heart had stopped beating just then. Wwith a sense of horror, he followed Rei's confused eyes and realized he was all but clutching his own penis in terror. Screaming, he tried to cover himself and step back at the same time. With another shriek he tripped over the bench behind him and landed on his head. He was just able to see Rei's back as she took her clothes out of her locker and headed for her dressing room.  
  
*click!*  
  
Once again he was alone in the room, lying on his back looking at the pale ceiling. It took a few minutes for everything to register, and once he passed the point of utter shock, he started screaming his lungs out.  
  
Shinji sat on the bench beside Rei's dressing room, fully clothed, and with terrified eyes looking into nothingness. Two minutes felt like two millennia as Rei finally opened the door. Springing straight up, Shinji jumped in front of her. His eyes now changed from horror to doubt and fear. Rei looked surprised that he was still there, but as usual, the emotion slowly wiped off and her face transformed into a semi-blank look.  
  
"Um, Rei! About...about what you saw...it wasn't! It wasn't..."  
  
Rei just stood there, her face appearing to not of changed. But with the slight slant of her eyes, Shinji could tell that she was somewhat confused and curious.  
  
"It wasn't! I...I wasn't..."  
  
Shinji lowered his head and thought about how he had ruined another one of his friendships with his own repulsive nature. He could predict what she was thinking at that very moment. He anticipated the sharp slap. How digusting and vile he was. How repulsive and pathetic he looked at that moment. Sorrow and remorse bellowed up into him. And to think, he was just starting to really appreciate her company...  
  
"Alright."  
  
"What?" Shinji suddenly raised his head, his eyes unbelieving.  
  
"Alright."  
  
Shinji still couldn't believe what she was saying.  
  
"But...b-but I."  
  
Now it was Rei's turn to be confused. "You said you weren't. I understand."  
  
Shinji started shaking at Rei's quick "pardon" of sorts. He started muttering to himself, thinking 'Isn't she supposed to hate me now?'  
  
Suddenly there was no one standing in front of him. Quickly swerving around, he saw Rei waiting in the doorway, her back to him.  
  
"I..." she said, not turning around, "I am sorry. This is another type of situation...I really do not know how to act in..."  
  
She took a step and Shinji immediately shouted her name. He didn't know why, it was sudden and had come out before he knew what he was doing. Turning around, she faced him, her look asking a curious "What?" There was a stir in the air telling Shinji there was something he should say, but the words didn't come. He stood there like an idiot for several minutes, Rei waiting patiently wjile his lip quivered slightly. Finally, he broke the silence.  
  
"Can I...can I walk you home?"  
  
There was more silence and then a resounding "Yes."  
  
For some reason, I thought this chapter should have gone on a bit longer. It would have too if I wasn't so pleased after that kind of ending. Really, can u go on in the chapter after a response like that? It would just seem weird to me.anywhos, how do u like it? What's that? I can't hear you, maybe you should write a review so I can read it *wink wink*. Update soon.  
  
REVIEW LIKE A MAD MONKEY 


	8. Something Hidden

Hi~didn't think I'd be back, did you? No, I did not abandon this fic, just left the updating until I revised some other chapters. The lack of reviews did not help my promptness either. Well, here is where everything starts. This is the kind of writing I truly enjoy to write. Have fun!  
  
I do not own Evangelion. Yup. Took awhile to figure that one out.  
  
Chapter 7: Something Hidden  
  
Her words seemed to echo in his mind and vibrate through every sense of his body. Yes? Another question, another venture, another possible failure. Throughout his life, Shinji Ikari's motto could have been, "Why is the world against me?" But instead, his ever present thought was, "I deserve this suffering..." For a second he was tempted to reject her approval. Somehow, his subconscious saw another way to make him suffer and almost convinced him to take it. Maybe he even liked the pain. Not even he would ever know, unaware he was of the most extreme Masochists.  
  
Rei's eyes seemed to draw him forward, and before he could say another word, he picked up his bag and started walking with her out of the complex. They walked side by side, not a word going on between them. But the air between the two was peculiar and strange. It was as if they had just been absorbed in an intense and close conversation, and that pause was needed for resolution. They seemed to walk through an air of content that neither understood nor truly realized was there. Simply basking in each other's company, the two made their way to Rei's apartment.  
  
Shinji could not put his finger on it. He kept sneaking glances at her, expecting to see something. And every time, that something smacked him back in the face, though he couldn't understand what it was. Her eye's captured him. Her face melted him. And everything he saw about her was good. Like everyone else in the world, he could not understand her. He knew nothing, but as he had decided before, he knew that was okay.  
  
The two walked quite a ways. Passed an abandoned elementary school, past a district of old strip malls, and approached a park. Rei almost always walked when possible. It wasn't as if she enjoyed the scenery or appreciated the exercise, it was just in her character. Shinji didn't mind too much either, and though the sun was hot, and the air humid, he did not sweat a single drop.  
  
Rei could not understand it. What kind of feeling was this? Something indefinable, indescribable, insatiable, greedy and kind. She liked it. The very thought frightened her. This was wrong, this was not right, this should not be. Everything in her life had been previously planned. Somehow, this had not figured in. Emotions were not apart of her make up, but every time she caught the boy next to her sneaking quick glances, they swelled and raged in her soul. Moments before, she had seen his uncovered body and at first felt very unclean, rude and evil. Everyone has a private zone, and while she never cared to raise hers, her eyes had cut through Shinji's and saw something they shouldn't have. She now could see the strange peculiarity that Shinji felt when he first saw her unclothed. Shinji had thought he had pierced some kind of privacy; her AT field. But Rei did not care at the time and was actually perplexed by his emotions. What little barrier to herself she had was thin and transparent. She did not care for herself. There was no reason to.  
  
And so as she had retreated to her dressing room, she felt deadly. She had wanted to tear her eyes out once she had heard Shinji's screams of horror behind the door. Rei felt that she had scarred him, ripped across that barrier called the AT field. She had even felt the near tore. Throughout her life she had done so to several other people and even incited the murder of her past self. But those cases were entirely different. With Shinji, she felt a need to protect him. That's why she always offered to pilot unit 01, because it caused him so much pain. That's why she almost died trying to save him from an angel. That's why she would sacrifice herself if ever the need arose. It screamed from her soul: a mother's love.  
  
And it is because Rei had defiled him so was she so shocked when she found him waiting for her. She expected rage. She expected hate. That was all she ever experienced in past cases of crossing someone. But instead, from his quivering lips, came an answer, a plea. He wanted HER to forgive HIM. It made no logic to her. She was the intruder. He was the victim. But instead he cared what SHE thought. Again, it made no logic to her.  
  
It started slowly, the realization, and the more she thought about it, the more it became clear. The more it clarified, the more unbelievable it came. And the more she believed it, the more it frightened her. As they walked, the agonizing realization came that Shinji cared. No one cared. Not even her. She was a tool. An object. A thing meant to be used once and disposed of. All this time, all she ever longed for was that use and release. To be of use, to be of worth, and then, her joy and purpose fulfilled, she could have utter and eternal release. Now this boy had shown he cared. And this wasn't the first time. He had burned his hands, permanently fusing bits and pieces of his plug suit to his palms in order to save her. He had shown care when he tried to ease the pain in her injured hand back at her apartment the other night. His care, his affection, the first affection she had ever been subject to, actually gave her a purpose. A reason. After all, who lives for themselves? All live for the love of others and the love of God. It is how humans are made. And with this new purpose, something else budded within her: a woman's love.  
  
The two children walked through the park, the tops of the trees swaying to and fro in the wind. This was one of the few parks still undestroyed in Tokyo-3. The pair came to a river and a small cobbled stone bridge. They stood in before it, both wondering who should cross first. At last Shinji gestured forward and Rei proceeded.  
  
The wind rippled across the water, shaking nearby stalks of grass and causing the calm river to stir. Suddenly, a squall blew across the water tops, racing across as if on a mission. It whispered in the ears of children and screamed in the ears of men. The wind came down and hit the young, blue haired child crossing the bridge. She gave no yelp or cries, just flapped her arms slightly and began to fall. The water looked dark and uninviting underneath as she lost her balance. But before a strand of her hair could touch the water, a hand came out, an arm, a body, and caught her in place.  
  
Shinji stood there, holding her, his body shaking. The two lay still for minutes, both breathing heavy as if short of breath. Rei stared at him with wonder and amazement. Shinji stared down as he always did, though his body shaked like nothing else. Their touch electrified the other. This was strange. Both of them sensed they were falling, and both of them sensed that they had been caught by the other. Slowly the boy raised his head, and met the eye of the girl. And though he made no sound, it shocked him beyond anything he had ever felt. It was as if it could go on forever. Eventually, Shinji slowly placed her comfortably on the bridge, his hands lingering terribly. Rei was still shocked.  
  
"Lets...rest here for awhile..."  
  
Rei nodded slightly.  
  
The wind blew a cool breeze across their faces, and Rei swung her legs over the water. Time seemed to stand still once more and the air of content never seemed to fade. Rei closed her eyes, wishing for this moment to last forever. Slowly closing her eyes, she could still see the scenery around her. The two sitting on the bridge, the wind playing with their hair, their hands so close yet so far.  
  
And unknowingly, Rei began to drift away in the moment, her hair running across her face. Neither Rei nor Shinji knew what was happening when Rei slowly leaned her head on his shoulder, the touch of their bodies electrifying the two once more. Neither of them noticed because both of them were smiling.  
  
End chapter  
  
Yeah, that's my true writing style: good ol' sappy love. What can I say? Hope you like it, I plan to have it go much, MUCH farther. But of course, unless you review, the next chapter wont come up for quite some time. Sorry guys, but that's how I do things.  
  
LIKE I SAID, REVIEW! _ 


	9. Walking Through Closed Doors

Yay, another chapter! The previous one got a few reviews so I'm being good and uploading this chappy. Thanks for the comments and the flames (though if you're going to flame me, try doing it on a NEW CHAPTER.morons.). Anyway, this chapter is sort of a filler, but I hope you enjoy it anyways. The story WILL evolve...just...not so much now...  
  
I don't own Evangelion, but this guy down the street is selling it real cheap. I mean deadbeat prices. So maybe I'll go get myself a license later.  
  
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Chapter 8: Walking Through Closed Doors  
  
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The pair stood on the cobbled bridge just a few minutes longer, still unknowing of how much they both needed this. Shinji could not breathe. Something was wrong, and no oxygen would enter his lungs. He stood stark still, his lungs beating so fast and yet so slowly at the same time. He could not breathe. But he was fine.  
Rei was dreaming. In her head she pictured this was the world. That she was the world. That they were the world. And the world had binded them together. She could not recognize it. Somehow could not. It was a peculiar taste and every breathe she took in felt like another fall. Her head would shake within and shout over and over again, that this was not right, to run away, that this was getting in the way of things. She had never thought this much about herself in her existence.  
And though her mind screamed, her heart roared. What shocked her most was that she had a heart. That this flutter in her breast was not something fictional, something false and plastic. These emotions, she had always thought them as a fraud, that people were just lying to themselves, that everyone was alone. But that thought, now shattered, could not even be imagined. No.  
  
~  
  
The sky was painted a vibrant mirage of reds, oranges, and violets. And still the pair sat there, looking over the water. Then, even though after all this time he had not moved an inch, Shinji suddenly exhaled. Very loudly. It was like a wakeup call, and the pair arose rather quickly, both embarrassed and wondering what had happened.  
  
"Uh...umm...*cough*...I...guess that's long...uh...a long enough rest...umm..."  
  
Shinji's voice stuttered horribly and his face was bright strawberry red. Even Rei's normal colorless face filled slightly with a sweet pink.  
  
She nodded, and they went on. This time there bodies wavered a little farther from each other, as if they were afraid. Shinji's stare's kept coming once again, only this time not half as discrete. Shinji sort of had a twitch in his gait, but Rei on the other hand, walked perfectly straight, looking down towards the sidewalk. This was different then her usually straightforward demeanor. As always, Shinji was afraid he had done something wrong. Like an idiot, he thought it was the cough.  
  
Rei still couldn't put her finger on it, the torrents filling her soul. And the more she thought about it, the more confused she got. And the more confused she got, the more she wondered what this was, and so on and so on. It wasn't as frustrating as it was bewildering. Somehow, she had all this pain inside her and all this joy coinciding. She still didn't understand it.  
  
Shinji and Rei finally arrived at the drab apartment complex. Though to Shinji, it didn't seem so bad with Rei standing in the hallway. Something seemed needed to be said, but neither spoke. Rei looked deep into his eye, more out of habit then anything else. Shinji looked right back and stayed that way. Most of the time when somebody looked him straightforward, it was as if he was examining himself. He could never take it. But with Rei, all her eyes showed was a deep longing. A deep hope. It was the same look his eyes portrayed every time he looked in the mirror.  
  
Finally she whispered a faint:  
  
"Thank you."  
  
And Shinji could only stand there shaken.  
  
Rei looked down once more, and slowly walked into her apartment. And as her heel passed over the threshold followed by the door, Shinji's foot finally started to follow. He whispered a faint:  
  
"Wait..."  
  
But the door was already shut and the girl already gone. He stood in front of the door, feeling it with his fingers, running it along the surface. It was just a door, but to him it seemed like an impenetrable wall. He pressed his hands against it. Hard. Slowly his head lowered down and touched the wooden door. And just as slowly his body followed, pressing against it, trying to get through He crumpled to the ground, trying to slip through the impassable door, sobbing heavily and all the while not knowing why. And unbeknownst to him, Rei was on the other side, slumped to the ground, trying to slip through the door and into his arms.  
  
-  
  
-  
  
-  
  
The door opened with a slight creak as Shinji arrived home. Looking around, it seemed as if the apartment was empty. Then he spotted the red head, glaring from her room. With a loud "hmmph!" and a scowl, she slammed her slide door, which immediately bounced back about a foot. Nearly breaking it down, she grabbed the handle, closed the door and did the latch with a loud *click!*  
  
Shinji sighed to himself and took off his shoes. Falling down on the couch, all he could think of was Rei. Looking above to his ceiling, he wondered if this was where he was supposed to be...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Shinji slowly opened his eyes. He had dozed off on the couch to thoughts of a blue haired girl. Suddenly all he could see was red. And then even more suddenly, all he could feel were a couple of soft lips trying to delicately graze his.  
  
"Asuka!!?'  
  
Suddenly the red haired mass jumped back in shock. Asuka had though Shinji was sound asleep and was now rightfully scared out of her wits. Quickly she tried to peel out an explanation, but was interrupted by Shinji.  
  
"What the heck were you doing while I was asleep!?"  
  
Asuka turned even a darker shade of red, her face matching her hair. She could never admit to him or herself that what she truly wanted was to try kissing his lips one more time. So instead, all she was filled with were rage and disgust. Mostly for herself, but as was her habit, she misinterpreted it for hate against Shinji.  
  
"I wasn't doing anything! I was just trying to play a little trick on you.you were supposed to be asleep, baka! C-can't you take a joke?!?"  
  
Shinji didn't buy it. "You sure you weren't trying to kiss me?" he said with an annoyed scowl on his face.  
  
Asuka took a step back and then raged forward.  
  
"How DARE you suggest such a thing, you little HENTAI-PERVERT!!!!! I'll kick your ass for that!!"  
  
And what ensued was another loud smack, some running over couches, countless broken lamps and a terrified pen-pen. Shinji was frantically trying to fit himself into pen-pen's tiny fridge house when Asuka grabbed him by the shorts and threw him against the couch, murder on her mind. Suddenly, as she's about to bash him into another existence, the door opens and another walks in.  
  
Misato didn't even flinch when she saw the torn couch, the shattered tv, the shredded wallpaper from Shinji's clawing, nor when she saw the gallons of beer cans strewn everywhere around the dented fridge. She plopped herself at the table, and grabbed one of the spare rolling cans of cold ones. Popping the top, she merely petted the quivering pen-pen who was clutching her leg.  
  
Asuka's fist was frozen in mid air and Shinji had the faint hope Misato had saved him. Asuka lowered her fist slowly. Yes! She wasn't going to kill him!  
  
"Tough day?" inquired Asuka, still pinning Shinji down.  
  
"You could say that..."  
  
Asuka looked back down at hopeful looking Shinji, who gave her this cute little toothy grin, and shrugged.  
  
Then she punched him.  
  
-  
  
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Yeah...I can't believe I couldn't remember what Misato's beer was called...and I call myself an eva fan! Blech! I thought it was something like Yebisu or something in that order, but could not conjure up the spelling nor the assurance that was it. Oh well...guess all I can do is grovel for your mercy. Anywhos, I tried to write this on slightly lighter note. Oh don't worry, there's still a lot more to happen, and who knows, maybe Asuka will even have a major role. I'm still debating it...  
  
THIS IS WHERE I TELL YOU TO REVIEW IN A UNIQUE AND INTERESTING WAY. NOW DO IT. 


	10. The Go Between

Ok, this is an incredibly boring chapter...at least I think so, since nothing at all really happens...but oh well. The only reason I've decided to pick this story up again is because I'll occasionally get a review or an email sending me death threats if I don't...  
  
By the way, sorry to disappoint, but this chapter is kind of lacking in substance. I just want to see how the FF.net community reacts and if I should continue this at all...  
  
By the way, I own you. Perhaps not Evangelion, but certainly YOU. Now read, my minions read.

Chapter 9: The Go BetweenMisato walked out of the apartment in the morning, not even touching the food Shinji had cooked, muttering something under her breathe. She had this sudden cold and exhausted aura about her that Shinji couldn't place his finger on. Her voice trailed behind her and Shinji could faintly make out something about "Adam" or whoever that was...perhaps just a new boy toy giving her trouble.  
  
Asuka walked out of her room, tardy for breakfast as usual, and gave Shinji and extra smack on the head for no reason. He didn't complain though, just winced and munched his toast. After all, the entire reason he had a bag of cold peas tied to the black eye on his face is because of the fiery redhead. Sighing heavily, the boy got up, grabbed his books, and much to the yelling and screaming of Asuka, left without her.  
  
The school looked almost vacant to Shinji regardless of the fact that many students, all dressed like him, were rushing into the building trying to beat the bell. Suddenly, with a pang he knew why: Rei was absent. Toji came up behind him, muttering something or another, but Shinji hardly heard a word...  
  
"What are these hands for...? What were these hands made for?"  
Suddenly he was there again, reliving it in his mind. The rush, the surprise, the immense fear as he tore through the angel's AT field and knocking it back across the entire city. Manning the giant living creature for the first time, his mind opened up and had become enveloped in it. It was a feeling of immense blind power wrapped around in a cold veil of fear. There was something more though...something that picked at Shinji's brain. His hands shook uncontrollably.  
Suddenly, Toji gave Shinji a not so subtle shove.

"Hey, Sen-pai! Wanna pick up the pace?"  
  
Shinji jolted back to reality and found himself back at school, stuck with janitorial duty. His hands wouldn't stop shaking though...the mop in his hands quivered and his legs stumbled, knocking over a bucket of soap.  
"Hey...hey Sen-pai? You ok?" Toji walked back over, thinking somehow he had caused Shinji's minor seizure. Shinji quickly regained his composure, reassuring Toji and cleaning up his mess.  
  
"No! No! You're doing it all wrong!!" Toji clamored as he pulled Shinji off the floor. Getting on all fours, Toji gave him a sly grin. Whispering so only Shinji could hear, he muttered, "You see, this is an art I've perfected...you make like you're cleaning...and slowly...."  
Toji's eyes followed straight up the legs of a passing girl and straight up her skirt. His eyes seemed dazed and his tongue slightly rolled out. "Cotton...it's the fabric of my life..."  
Shinji was about to scream in indignation but suddenly, right above his unknowing head hovered Hikari. Toji was none the wiser though and unfortunately didn't read Shinji's horrified face. Turning his head slightly, he saw another pair of panties right above him. Half drooling, he suddenly recognized the socks. They had small mammograms on them reading "Hikari" in cool gold letters.  
Hissing in almost a snake-like manner, the class figurehead pounced, screaming and yelling and causing a general ruckus. Toji did the only thing he could, which was try to squirm away as quickly as possible. Shinji quickly jumped out of the way as the two passed in front of him, one grabbing on to the other's collar and the other trying escape death. Suddenly Toji lost his balance, and arms waving, started to fall down the stairs with Hikari's hands still around his neck.  
  
CRASH!!

The two ended up sprawled at the bottom of the stairs, Toji nearly unconscious. Hikari was the first to get up, raise her foot to stomp, but suddenly stopped in mid air. A drop of blood fell to the linoleum floor as Toji sat up. With a gasp, Hikari was on her knees, trying to help him up and using a handkerchief to wipe the small drops of blood from the cut in his arm. Hikari seemed nearly in tears Toji really wasn't helping any either.  
  
"Now you see what you've done, woman!! You could have killed me!! AHH!! Get away! Get away! Shinji! Help! She's trying to finish me!"  
  
Toji ran down the hall, grinning, with Hikari chasing after him, tears welling up in her eyes and screaming something about going to the nurse's office. Shinji chuckled to himself as he picked up a mop and began cleaning again...he didn't hear or see them for the rest of the day.The following school day however, as he approached his classroom, he heard their voices long before he saw their faces. Walking through the doorway, he could see that they were at each other's throats again. Hikari was yelling how Toji should stop copying Shinji and Kensuke's homework. He noticed that there was a small bandage on Toji's arm where he was cut yesterday. As he passed, the two scowled at each other and walked away to their perspective corners. When he looked back though, Hikari was smiling...and looking at Toji in a peculiar manner. Toji was at the window, and from the look of it, contemplating deep inner turmoil. Odd behavior indeed...Shinji scanned the rest of the classroom, bored...Rei was gone...  
  
Again..."Suzahara? Suzahara, Toji."  
  
Toji looked up to see the class instructor holding up a letter. It had the Nerv insignia boldly printed on top. The whole room hushed slightly out of curiosity as Toji ripped open the letter coolly. His face suddenly looked extremely confused, but shrugging it off, he left the classroom with a shrug.  
  
The class buzzed back to normal and Shinji laid his head on his desk, confused. "Nerv..." he thought, "I wonder if my father has something to do with this..."

Well, end of chapter. Keep reading, I've started the next, and I promise more of everything then. That is, provided I get some reviews...after all, it'd be tragic if my story suddenly went a controversial route and Shinji started noticing Kensuke's cute butt more often...

REVIEW BECAUSE THIS STORY'S TOO DANG OLD


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